Monday, January 3, 2011

change is the point.

Rey and I both have had our hard times in life, but we both agree that these last couple of months have been especially pressing, especially tense.

It seems that on all fronts for us right now, there are problems. There are things--be they little or large--that are not the way we'd like for them to be. That are daily in our faces, begging for an angry outburst or a "Why God?" We face questions like, "Are we doing everything wrong? Did we make the wrong choice? What is going on here?"

We ask, "Is this something we are supposed to run through... or away from?"

We are kind of at several crossroads at once, considering several long-term decisions.

And, you know what is great about this time? I am learning so much about me.

You see, I've worked long and hard to become the "me" I am. I consider (considered?) this version of me to be pretty cool. I don't know if growing up in a Christian home can do that to a person, but "it" had happened to me.

I totally rely on Jesus for all that I am, but perhaps--all I am is not all God wants me to be.

I have been thinking a lot about that little thing many call "The School of Life". How the whole point of life, it seems, is the completely change you. As the fire and hammer change a lump of iron into whatever the blacksmith desires.

Even as I write this, it seems somewhat obvious, I mean--hellooo? Have I even read the Bible? Of course I have... as have many of you. But, I am talking about big change. As in, it seems that God creates us with a certain personality, a certain way of seeing things, a certain way of interpreting what happens... and then works in us to mold us into the opposite of that.

Like He wants to take the timid, man-pleasing person--make them strong and worried only about God's opinion.

Like He wants to take the strong-willed, "everythingisblackandwhite" person--and soften them into a person that can listen to and really consider others' opinions.

Like He may possible want to take this no secrets, "neverwanttobeinonespottoolong" person and teach her to guard her words and learn to be content with where she is (among other things!).

I was thinking about the whole "change is the point" concept while driving home from the grocery store the other day. I reflected on how often God reveals His overall plan or view of things through nature. And then I realized. What thing in nature stays the same?? Nothing! Not from seeds, to leaves, to a rippling creek. Everything God has created is constantly changing, constantly becoming more beautiful, more unique.

Verses like the words of Jesus came to mind: "Unless a seed falls into the ground and dies... it cannot bear fruit."

Sadly, I know people that have strong-armed their way through life. Who have let none of the shaping or chipping or pressing that has come upon them in life to change them. Who are just as selfish, unhappy and unfulfilled as they were 20 years ago. There really isn't anything sadder.

So, here I am. Trying to embrace this season of change. Trying to believe that what I have been up until now may not exactly be what God wants me to be from this day forward. Being excited that God is so awesome and so interested in me.

Here's a song that's a-singin' in my mind...

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