curiosity

It killed the cat, and it's killin' me! (In the figurative sense, of course.)

Being a foreigner in a country can get old. Then, imagine being a foreigner in a town where you can count the other "white people" on one hand. Yes, you become quite the head-turner. Quite the sensation.

I know some people say, "That's great! Use it to your advantage!"

But, sometimes, I just want to be invisible. I just want to wander around, window-shopping and lost in my own thoughts--without having to constantly try to side-step teethy señores who want to tell me my Spanish is great and where am I from?

I want to open my mouth without everyone in ear-shot freezing. I want to ask where I can find something without some snooty girl saying she can't understand my accent.

I want people to come visit me because they want to be friends, not because they want to see what kind of place the gringa has... and once they have found that out, they never come back.

I want not to be thought of as the representation of an entire nation. I often feel I am "bearing" the reproach of what someone perceives of Americans (example: American girls are generally thought of as being very "loose" morally... so, it can be hard to get other girls to open up since they think you are going to try to steal their man. It can be too easy for guys to approach you because they think you'll be open to them.).

I guess the thing is, I don't mind people being curious about me. It's just I mind the "impersonal curiosity". In other words, usually they aren't curious in that genuine "let's-be-friends" kind of way. More like curious in the "pay 5 cents to see the circus act" kind of way.

But, it's ok. I know I'm interesting. It's hard being a star. Hahah.