Saturday, November 6, 2010
It seems that everywhere I look, I see tired moms. Maybe it's just the groggy lenses I am looking through... But, it does seem that way.
On the one hand, it really makes me feel good to know that I am not the only one that has to give myself a pep talk before swinging my feet out of bed. It makes me feel like I am part of a community of home-front warriors who are tired in the battle, but still going onward.
As I was thinking about this, a friend posted this link...which further verified my thoughts of "We're all tired these days".
It could be this time change thing that is hitting so hard, but--as I told Rey a couple of days ago--"I am so tired of being tired. I can't remember when I didn't feel tired."
My Noah can be a ray of sunshine, but when the forecast is stormy--the house trembles. He's had a few days of storms lately... and by bedtime I am completely drained of every ounce of energy and the prospect of another day similar to that day overwhelms me.
Yesterday, for example was highlighted by numerous (and seemingly unprovoked) meltdowns... the couch also had its own meltdown. Let me explain: Noah (as I mentioned before) has decided clothing is a burden and yesterday afternoon stripped down to his birthday suit. It has turned cold here and it was definitely too cold to be a la naturale. After struggling to get clothes on him, I decided to just switch our space heater on for a few minutes and buy myself some time to brush my teeth before getting the kids together to head over to my aunt's house. About 4 minutes later, I came back into the livingroom to find a column of smoke rising to the ceiling. Noah had pushed the heater over against the couch and now there was smoke rising, red embers in the couch and a big black hole melted into the upholstery. The up-side to this story is we are planning on getting the couches recovered anyway. Some day. But, grrr! Not what you want to find.
So, I know that my strength comes from waiting on the Lord and clothing myself in His joy. I know that joy comes from choosing what I focus on. I know that focusing on God and His strength, His faithfulness is what will get me through today. In this season of life, I am finding myself too weary to do almost anything that required more brainwaves--such as deep Bible studies. I am not pretending that is correct, but that is honest. So, I am doing what I can to listen worship music or sermons as I do the mundane things, like washing dishes or scrubbing dried banana off the high chair tray. It really does help.
I also know that remembering that what I am doing matters will help me. If I focus on what God has given me and where He has me, rather than chafing in its limitations to my personality and mobility--I can find peace, contentment. If I remember that we are raising up men and women of God, that we are helping to shape lives and guide souls... I will not soon discount my occupation. Reading this helps me to regain focus.
I know that this is a season. A precious season. So even if prying my eyes open and shuffling to the kitchen seems like climbing Mt. Everest today... I can remember that what God is doing in me can only be done this way. And I can pray that what God is doing though me is a good and perfect work in the gifts He has loaned me.
So, my momma friends: I write this not only as a confession of where I am... but hoping that it helps you too. We are amazing in our work, far-reaching in our influence. We may be tired, but we will not give up!