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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Transparency

"There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a
false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are... Getting honest
with ourselves does not make us unacceptable to God. It does not distance us
from God, but draws us to Him--as nothing else can--and opens us anew to the
flow of grace."
--Brennan Manning


Transparency. It seems to be a word forever looming before me--appearing perhaps unattainable. I think it is especially true among us ladies. How much of our lives do I spend looking out of the corner of my eye trying to see how "she" did it, so I can do the same? Maybe I am just more impressionable than most, but I know I spend a whole lot of time trying to look more awe-inspiring than I am, better than I am--or than I see myself. In other words, I often spend a lot of time trying to be who I am not... or trying to be who I think someone else is.

You know, it's funny--because with all this tweaking and trying and proposing and changing--in the end, the people who love us love the real "us". Not the us with our hair in glossy perfection, or with a wonderful pre-planned menu every week of the year, or with our amazing accomplishments.

Rather, they love us...
when we are comfortable in our own skin, with our imperfections
when we can sit with a sink full of dirty dishes and not feel the need to explain that it's not "usually this way"
when we can focus on being in the moment with them and not on the ways we miss perfection.

And there it is! Our changings and desperate attempts at perfectionism are really thin veils over pride. Wanting to amaze people and somehow be better than them.

So, I want to choose transparency. To be who God made me all the time. Of course, that doesn't mean I'll stop washing the dishes or brushing my hair, but maybe--just maybe--I'll engage in less corner-of-the-eye watching and instead look into people's hearts.

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