Tuesday, November 17, 2015

hey, you

Hey, you over there.
Who used to make me feel like a failure,
Who made me question myself and wonder why we weren't friends...

Here's the deal:
I don't need you to like me
For me to like you.
I don't need you to be my friend
For me to be friendly to you.
I don't need to be promised a future with you
To enjoy being together this moment,
I don't have to understand you
To show you compassion and worth.

I'm learning.
I'm defining *friendship* more loosely.
Not demanding exact reciprocation.
The promise of more,
Of deep,
Of loyalty,
Of validation,
Of unanimity.

I've stopped seeing friendship as
A game of tennis ( equal parts give & take)...
Or chess ( something to be analyzed )...

Now, I'm seeing it more as a walk among a field of flowers;
That we are social beings,
And that sometimes it's ok to just enjoy being social...
Without it "meaning something" or "going somewhere".
Being social for social's sake:
Sometimes that's enough.
I'm learning to enjoy the flower
Whose blooms are only with me for a day or two....
As well as (*I cannot yet say "As much as..."*)
The tree in my backyard
Who I know I will see from my window
Each morning and night.
Who I know sinks its roots deep into my land;
Upon whom I rely daily for shade, beauty & life.

So, really... it's this:
You don't define me any more.
You don't determine my thoughts or my responses.
You don't decide my worth.
You are a part of my life,
Not its summation or measure of worth.