Pages

Thursday, December 17, 2009

This is where I am

I am at that place. That one. Specific. Place. The one where I am saying to myself, "However I got to this spot, I don't ever. ever. want to do it again!" Annnndddd...having 6-some weeks left to go, I know this is a rather dangerous spot to be. I know the baby still has to put on some 3 pounds or so. I know I still have a LOT more "blossoming" to do, but. I don't wanna. Ok??

I am at that place. That one place. Where I feel like my stomach has turned into a bag of bones. I know, it doesn't sound glowingly maternal, but it's true. Any time I move in whatever direction, it seems a leg, arm, bottom or head bone juts out in protest. And, carrying these bones makes me slowly waddle along, wincing every 5 steps or so.

I am at that one place where I huff and puff--just sitting here writing this. I often feel like I am breathing through a straw. I actually jerk awake in the middle of the night because either my or the baby's position was making it so I couldn't breathe.

I am at that place where I dream constantly about the birth. Maybe I'm not really dreaming, because it's hard to remember really sleeping--but let's just say, it's on my mind. A lot.

I am at that place, Lord forgive me, that I look narrowly upon people who judgementally say, "Well, at LEAST you can have babies!" Yes, I know. Or people that say, "A woman never looks more beautiful than when she is pregnant" (2 kinds of people: Liars and people who haven't been pregnant). Or people that say, "I soooooooo miss being pregnant. Isn't the miracle of life sooooooo wonderful??" Yes, it is. But....

I am at this place. So far along, with seemingly so far to go. I am so glad God has blessed me with a healthy little baby, and I am happy to be a mama. I just wanna to get out of this place! :)



PS--Due to some worried responses to this post, I feel I must say NOTHING is really wrong with me! I am just whining... :)

2 comments:

  1. I really hate being pregnant. I felt all of those things that you described. Yes, now that my youngest kid is five, I have flashes of nostalgia for the whole process, but when it is going on, I have sciatica, heartburn, I can't breath, can't sleep, cry a lot, and feel ugly. Time is hard, and make no mistake. I always say that pregnancy must be butt-kickingly hard, or no woman would pine for the day she goes into labor.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know--once you're not pregnant, you always think, "It wasn't thaaaat bad!" In the 11 mos between Noah's and this pregnancy, I thought, "Ahh, I just needed to be tougher... less negative." As you can see, THAT'S really worked out!!
    So true about the labor... :)

    ReplyDelete

Don't just sit there... say something! :)